Emotionally unavailable
by MrsChaucersSquire
Summary: Blair teaches Jim something about women, while learning about how Jim feels about him. Warning: smarmy.
1. Chapter 1

As Blair came home, he found his roommate standing on the balcony staring off into the distance

As Blair came home, he found his roommate standing on the balcony staring off into the distance. Jim's presence on the balcony was not abnormal, but the lack of response when Blair walked in was. Blair dropped his bag on the couch, and headed to greet his unresponsive roommate.

"Hey, Jim. Everything okay?" He said as he noticed the first empty beer bottle on the ledge and the second in Jim's hands.

"Why can't I ever have a successful relationship, Chief?" Jim asked not turning his gaze.

"Are things not going so well with Susan?"

"We went to dinner and she told me she thought we should be just friends."

"Ohh man, that stings. Sorry." Blair said in sympathy. He had been on the receiving end of that statement more than once in his life.

They stood on the balcony in silence for a few more minutes before Jim continued their conversation.

"I really want to know Chief, why can't I have a successful relationship. I really liked Susan. I thought she might be marriage material. I asked her why she wanted out and she told me I just wasn't emotionally available. I have no clue what that means."

"Maybe it was her fault, not yours." Blair said supportively.

"Chief, she is not the first woman to say that. I don't think it's her." Jim sighed as he sat his second empty beer down. "I really want to know what women mean. How am I emotionally unavailable?"

Now Blair sighed. He wasn't exactly sure how to handle this conversation with his friend. "Jim …" he started slowly.

Jim looked at him urging him to continue.

"When you saved me from drowning how did you feel?"

"Come on chief, what kind of a question is that?"

"I mean it. Tell me how you felt."

"What does that have to do with my long term relationships with women?"

"I'm getting to that, just answer the question"

Jim's mouth hung open, while he attempted to formulate and answer.

"You know how I feel. You are my best friend." Jim said.

"Jim," Blair continued patiently. "That is a fact, that's not a feeling. Okay, try it this way, how do you feel about me?"

"You are my best friend, Chief"

"Best friend is not a feeling. You don't know how to describe what you are feeling. Women need that, man and you don't know how to do that."

"I can talk about my feelings." came the indignant reply.

"Really?" Blair conveyed his disbelief in one word.

"Yeah, I can, you don't know what you are talking about."

Blair was no longer being patient because he knew what he was talking about. Jim was just being stubborn. He thought for just a second and realized he knew how to prove to Jim that his emotional toolbox was short on instruments.

"Jim, I love you"

Jim's eyes widen. "You are not gay" he said definitively.

"I didn't say I wanted to have sex with you. I said I love you. I love my mother, but I don't want to have sex with her. You love your brother right?"

"I guess"

"This is what I'm talking about Big Guy. When you are with a woman she wants to know what you are felling and she wants you to tell her with words. I don't think you have the vocabulary to say what you are feeling." Both of the men fell silent for short period until Jim asked his roommate another question.

"So how do I get an emotional vocabulary?"

"You practice. I mean, I can tell you some things but you really have to practice to be able to use what you need, when you need it."

"I want to try"

"I'll help you."


	2. Chapter 2

Blair's lessons began with the most important thing Jim needed to be able to do

Blair's lessons began with the most important thing Jim needed to be able to do. At breakfast, the first morning after their discussion, Blair explained that he would start with teaching Jim how to say he loved someone.

"Look, everyday I'll tell you I love you and when you are ready I want you to say it back. I don't want you to force it out. Girls can tell in a heartbeat if you are forcing 'I love you' out. You have to do it naturally. Have you ever told someone you love them?" Blair questioned.

"Yeah, my ex-wife."

"Good. Now did you ever say it outside of-- wanting, getting, or just having had sex."

Jim cocked his head to the side. "I don't think so." He answered honestly.

Blair thought to himself, he now understood the divorce a little better. "You are definitely going to need to say that outside of sex. Let's try it right now. I love you, Jim"

Jim opened his mouth to respond, but ended up with his mouth open imitating a fish out of water when he could not force the words.

Blair responded to his reaction. "Don't force it. It is never a good idea to force it. I'm not a woman, and I am not going to get upset if you don't say it back."

"Good" Jim answered.

"I am just going to say it to you everyday until you can say it back. I want you to wait until you are ready, okay"

Jim simply nodded in response.


	3. Chapter 3

So for the next few weeks in the morning before they left for work Blair told Jim he loved him

So for the next few weeks in the morning before they left for work Blair told Jim he loved him. I the first week Jim always attempted to say it back and always end up not able to get the words I out. In the second week Jim quit trying to respond. Either a nod or one word brief thanks would follow the words of endearment. In the third week of the lesson, it was a little frustrating to Blair that Jim wasn't even trying to respond. Every morning Blair would tell Jim he loved him, and Jim didn't even nod. Blair was getting a little annoyed at the lack of progress, but he had promised Jim he would not get mad, so he didn't.

A few days into the third week Blair forgot to set his alarm and woke to the smell of breakfast. He glanced at the clock and realized he was supposed to be at a meeting in thirty minutes and the drive would take him twenty. He rushed though his morning routine and grabbed his backpack on the way to the door as he shouted to Jim.

"I'm really late. I'll see you tonight Jim. I gotta be across town in 10 minutes." Blair's hand was on the door nob when he heard Jim's response.

Jim was sad as Blair headed for the door. This was the first morning in three weeks Blair had not said I love you. All of the sudden the thought click in Jim's head-- it felt really good when Blair shared his affections and he did not want to miss that. In the same second, he realized he wanted Blair to say "I love you" to him, but he was unwilling to give Blair that same pleasant feeling by saying it back. It was nice to know that someone cared. Jim wanted Blair to know that he cared.

"Wait, Blair" He said to stop his roommate. Blair turned toward Jim his hand still on the door nob. Jim heisted only momentarily before he continued. "I love you" he said slightly shakily.

Blair's face blossomed into a smile. "I love you too Jim." He said before turning and walking out the door. As he continue to the elevator Jim's enhanced senses allowed him to hear Blair quietly say "Yes!" in response to Jim's progress. And Jim smiled because he was proud. He had said the three scariest words he could think of and saying them didn't hurt. Expressing his feelings for Blair felt good.


	4. Chapter 4

For the next week the roommates continue to practice Jim's new found skill

For the next week the roommates continue to practice Jim's new found skill. Blair would say he love Jim and Jim would reply "I love you too." Sometimes Jim would even jump ahead and say the words first. After a week of practice Blair decided it was time to move on to the next step. As they sat at the table after dinner Blair began by complimenting Jim on his progress.

"Jim, Man, you are doing great. I think it is time we move on to step 2."

Jim looked at his roommate dumbfounded. "I can say I love you, what else do I have to do?"

"Remember when we first talked about this? We need to increase your emotional vocabulary. Saying I love you is really important but you also need to be able to tell women what you are feeling with your words. I talked to another grad student in psychology about this and she gave me some tips."

"Great, now I have to talk about my feelings." Jim responded.

"Don't worry. We will start easy. I have four cards" He laid them in front of his roommate on the dinner table they were sitting at. Each one had a single word on in large black letters. "Glad, sad, mad, and afraid" I am going to say a person, place, thing, or event. When I do I want you to pick one of these cards to go with what ever you feel about that item. Don't say anything, just had me a card."

"What if none of the cards fit?"

"You have to pick one anyway. Even if your emotion is very week almost everything has an emotion attached to it. Let's try it. We will start with easy stuff. Let's do Blair."

"Chief, this is really silly."

"Do you want to learn how to be emotionally available or not?"

"Fine" Jim pouted.

"Okay, try Blair"

Jim grabbed the Glad card and handed it to Blair. This might be easier than he thought.

Blair accepted the card with a smile. "Good job" Blair encouraged. He placed the card back in front of his roommate.

Blair listed another item. His goal was to have his roommate hand him each card. "How about going to a funeral."

Jims hand hovered between the Mad card and the Sad card. Blair was attempting to get Jim to pick up the sad card so he gave him a little more direction. "The person who died, died of natural causes."

Jims hand shifted to the sad card and he picked it up and handed to Blair. Blair continued as he placed the card back down in it's spot.

"Murder" Blair said.

Jim's hand shot to the mad card.

Blair had only one more card he wanted Jim to pick up. Blair thought for a moment. What would make Jim afraid? Because Jim was a very brave person, not many things would scare him. Even if something did scare Jim Blair was not sure Jim would admit it. Suddenly inspiration struck. "Being blind" Blair listed.

Jim's mouth opened as if to ask Blair a question. Blair shushed him quiet with a look that reminded Jim he was not supposed to talk. Blair repeated his statement "Being Blind"

"Jim's hand slowly slid to the afraid card. He picked it up and handed it to Blair. "Good job, Jim. Okay, that was the basics. You know all of the emotions listed on the card. Now, when we do the next couple you have to say the word aloud when you give me the card."

"This is stupid and I don't understand the point." Jim commented.

"You will understand it. I bet saying what you feel is not going to be as easy as you think." Blair responded. "Try Camping"

"Glad" Jim said as he handed Blair the card. As Blair put the card back where it belong he said "Simon"

Jim looked at the cards in front of him. "I guess glad," he said as he handed Blair the card. "He is a good boss, even though he is tough."

"How about Lash."

"Mad" Jim replied.

"Jungle"

"Glad"

"Zoning"

"Afraid"

"Guns"

"Glad"

They contiunied the banter for 10 more minutes. Blair listing people, places or things and Jim responding with an emotion.

"Spilled milk"

"Mad"

"Nap"

"Glad, See I'm doing good at this. This is really easy" Jim responded.

"You are doing great but I haven't really gotten to the tough stuff yet." Blair said.

"Bring it on" Jim retorted.

"Your father" Blair listed.

Jim hesitated. How would describe the feelings for his father. "Can I use more than one?" He asked.

"Yeah, but you have to explain why for each one you use." Blair explained.

Jim sat silently for a moment. Now the questions were more difficult. He had such mix feelings for his father. And he did not want to talk about them with anyone; let alone his roommate. But then, as he looked at Blair he realized his roommate would be nothing but supportive. So Jim explained how he felt about his father. "Mad, because he made me suppress my abilities and made me think I was a freak. Sad because we didn't get along. Glad because we are starting to get along better."

Blair smiled again at Jim's accomplishments. "See Man. That is all it takes to be emotionally available for women. You talk like that and the women will be falling all over you. Just remember when a woman uses the word feel in a question you respond with one of those four words (Glad, Mad, Sad, Afraid) in the sentence. We should practice this step a little more then we move onto the last step."

"I am afraid to ask but what is the last step?"

"Asking women how they feel about things-- and staying awake while they answer."

"Do I give them these cards?" He asked indicated the Glad, Sad, Mad, and Afraid cards in front of them.

"You don't need to man. You ask a woman how she feels about something she will talk for days and she won't need any cards to do it."

"So how do I practice that step?"

"We are not there yet but when we get there, first you'll practice asking me how I feel, I am pretty good at pretending to be a woman." Blair joked while grinning at Jim.

"It's the hair" Jim teased.

"Hey, I may have the hair but I also have all the women." Blair pointed out.

"So are we done for tonight?" Jim asked.

"Almost. I want you to try one more question."

"I'm not sure I can handle anymore feelings today" Jim responded.

Blair barged ahead anyway. "What did you feel when I drown?"

"I don't want to answer that." Jim replied as he got up from the table and moved away from it. "I'm done for tonight." He could not share the desperation he felt with his guide. The sadness and guilt were impossible to express with words. And the fear was something Jim didn't even understand.

"Come on Jim. I really want to know" Blair prodded.

"Done" was Jim's one word reply.

"Fine" Blair pouted as he collected his emotion cards and shoved them back in his backpack.

They sat the remainder of the evening in fount of the television. Jim watched the television while Blair worked on school work. By the time they headed for bed Blair had cooled off. He realized that his question to Jim probably did go overboard. He was supposed to be helping Jim with an emotional vocabulary not probing into Jims most private emotions. So as Jim headed of to bed Blair politely said good night.

Jim on the other hand could not forget about the question Blair had asked. As he laid in bed trying to sleep, rest would not come. Insomnia was not a common occurrence for the sentinel. He tried to count sheep and to distract himself. He tried focusing on the sounds Blair made as his guide slept downstairs. However the question kept him awake. Finally, frustrated after staring at the clock four an hour he got out of bed and grabbed a pen and paper.

At the top of the page he wrote the four emotions Blair had had him practice earlier in the evening. Glad. Sad. Mad. and Afraid. Under that he began to write how he felt the night Blair drowned. He wrote of his anger at Alex and at himself. He wrote of his desperate sadness when he knew Blair was not breathing. And last he wrote of the fear of a life without Blair. A few single tears fell slowly on to the pad of paper as he wrote. The fear was almost too much to describe. What would he do without Blair? Would he even survive?

As he finished his answer to Blair's imposing question. He pulled the paper off of the pad of paper and placed the note by his bed. In moments he slept soundly, as the emotional upheaval of the day caught up to him.

The next morning he left for work before Blair awoke. When Blair got up he was confused to find his roommate missing until he saw the note taped to his backpack. The paper was folded and the outside it said only "The answer to your question."


End file.
